2023年12月4日作文讲评

读后续写 

1、逻辑性：

第一段弟弟也跟去打球，骑车（跑步）去公园，去公园没有打篮球。

第二段弟弟向我道歉，回家后弟弟冲向（拥抱）他。

2、对话太多

3、第二段续写完全与弟弟无关，与前文内容无关

4、衔接性不够，三个衔接

5、无关内容太多：路上的风景，去公园聊天，第二天去公园

6、单词及语法 annoyance , went home（不是went to home)

7、最后的升华：经常打篮球。

范文

Unwillingly, I agreed to go to the park with him. When we arrived at the park, Ollie handed me the basketball and challenged me to a game of one-on-one. At first, I was not in the mood, but Ollie kept on encouraging me. As we dribbled(运球) and shot the ball, I found myself slowly getting into the game. Focusing on it, I began to feel a glimmer of joy and excitement. After a while, we were both laughing and enjoying ourselves.The fresh air, the laughter, and the joy of playing basketball made us forget about the time.

As the sun began to set, we made our way back home, tired but happy. When I entered the house, Tex looked up at me with eager eyes, yet hesitated to approach. "Hey, buddy, "I smiled at him, ruffling（拂乱） his hair. "How about reading the story to you before bedtime? " Tex's eyes lit up, and he nodded excitedly. That night, Tex climbed onto my bed once again, snuggling(依偎) up beside me, content to listen to the story quietly. I couldn't help but feel grateful for Ollie, who helped lift me out of my negative emotion and allowed me to enjoy the moment.